In the JewTao, that classic of Zen Judaism by my Uncle Mel via his son Bruce, there is a whole section on the myriad names of God. The impetus for this stems from all the names Jews used to refer to the almighty in the scriptures: El, Yahweh, Elohim, Ehyeh, Sheynah, Adonai, Hashem, etc. Each one is different, each reflecting a different take on our relationship with the infinite. Elohim is God’s presence in the Temple; Hashem is God in the subway. And so on.
But of course, Mel thought this list way too hoity. To represent the true diversity of ways in which we conceive of the almighty, he added a number of his own concoctions for modern day-to-day usage.
Here are a few:
The Bubbie Meister…that gentle aspect of the divine that, for a brief moment and for no known reason, does not kick you in the ass. Hallelujah.
Mister Shister…the impish aspect of God, as manifested for instance in getting all the perfectly right lottery numbers but on the exactly wrong day.
Old Crapnose…he who is responsible for visiting bad events on those who are already buried under a pile of shit. A common usage.
Ironai…the recognition of irony as the basic element of the universe and its Prime Chemist as a truly snide son-of-a-gun.
Uncle Oyvey…tragedy pure and simple from He who prizes tears above laughter, opera over sitcoms, the obits instead of the funnies.
Tsaint Tsouris…the recognition that aggravation is as central to being Jewish as detachment is to Zen. Also known in this form as The Great Vayismere.
Lord Tsemisht…God as the ultimate shmeggege, as confused and mixed up as we are…or vice versa given that we are made in his image and all.
GottenYou…Oh Lord, hallowed be they name, they will be done and all that…but enough already! Go teach someone else a lesson for a change.
Allevai on High…I should live long enough, please, to see my son struggle with his own kid and thereby understand what I am going through. The divine as justified revenge.
Holy Gevalt… life is meaningless, we are all going to die and are alone in the universe. So buck up, it could be worse. In fact, it probably is.
The Big Bupkes…existential nothingness as applied to the God who gave us the vast emptiness of space and the free will to go fuck ourselves in it.
The Mishegossita…God is not any one thing but rather the whole enchilida, which is, to put it mildly, a real mess. Good luck and be well.
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